he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
