Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
