They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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