..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
