She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
