your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
