Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
