my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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