I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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