it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
