I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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