and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
