Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
