You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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