My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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