It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
