I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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