I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
