We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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