I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
