Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
