I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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