i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
