Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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