i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
