do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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