I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
