I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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