Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
