I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
