i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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