So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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