Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
false alarm, still single
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