I didn't shave. On purpose
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
