If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
