Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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