i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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