This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His hands were made for my vagina.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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