I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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