I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
50% drunk capacity currently
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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