What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
