YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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