cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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