she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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