does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
