I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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