I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
