U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
