He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
