My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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