just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
